“I’ve always found it difficult to identify with men in their 30’s” Says 34 year old Melissa. Melissa is is a tall thin brunette, with understated style wearing black skinny jeans, a blue cashmere sweater that drapes around her collar bone, and nude Tori Burch ballet flats. She works passionately as a full time consultant for a prominent software company in Silicon Valley, but her real joy is in raising her eight year old daughter from her first marriage. Melissa is not your typical mid-thirties Bay Area woman. She prefers to spend her free time at the ballet, enjoying a quiet leisurely dinner with a close friend at a new restaurant, or at the theater. “I would rather put my head in a vice than go to a bar to meet guys!” Melissa laughs, “When I meet guys my age they are usually in a different place in their lives-still wanting to rage with their friends on the weekend, going to loud concerts, or snowboarding in Tahoe. Those things are fine for some people, but it’s just not who I am.” It’s for those reasons that Melissa has had the most success dating men in their 40’s who may have like her, divorced and are raising children.
Many women in their 40’s and 50’s assume that men in their age range are automatically going to opt for dating women in their 30’s. “That is certainly not the case”, says John, a fit all-American looking 54 year old CFO. “I want a woman who I can identify with. It’s nice if she understands what raising kids is all about, but I still want to go out and have fun! I would love to meet a woman my age who looks great, has a fun and positive attitude, and wants a loving affectionate relationship. Sure, women in their 30’s are attractive and fun to date for a little while, but it never works out because we are at different stages in our lives”
The bottom line, is that there are very few singles out there who are true “age-ists”, dating those only who are within a chronological age range. The vast majority of singles are open to dating someone a few years outside of their age range if their level of attraction and lifestyles mirror each other. “I still want to ‘match’ my partner when we are walking down the street together” says Melissa “I’d be mortified if someone mistook my partner for being my father!”
Determining the right age range for yourself is less about the actual number, but your relationship history, goals, lifestyle and interests. When you keep in mind that age is incredibly subjective, especially after 45, you open yourself up to more opportunities to meet someone who shares your values and relationship goals!