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Get a Honey for The Holidays!

It’s that special time of year again and the hustle and bustle that the holidays bring doesn’t mean that your love life needs to come to a halt. There are plenty of ways to ensure that you have someone to smooch under the mistletoe and The Real Matchmaker has a few gifts of their own to share to make your dating life merry and bright!
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One reason that people have a hard time meeting people is because we’re too shy to strike up a conversation when we see someone we like. So don’t hesitate…you might just snag a great date! Conversation starters when you are out shopping are endless . If you see someone that catches your eye, strike up a conversation by asking for some advice. Buying wine for a party? Choosing a gift for mom? People love to help each other, so asking for a little guidance will make the other person feel special. Wrap it up (har har!) by saying “Wow, you have really great taste. I know a great wine bar near by if you’d like to grab a drink sometime!” couple-shopping_300You can even increase your chances of bumping into the kind of person you’d like to date by perusing stores that they would shop in. Guys, are you looking for a woman who is really feminine and classy? Go to the accessories and fragrance section of department stores. Any other time of year you might risk looking like a creeper, so take advantage!
The other thing that complicates dating during the holidays is that schedules can get hectic with travel to visit family, company Christmas parties, etc. These can be great for chatting up someone new, but what if you just started dating someone great and it’s too soon to tell if they’re relationship material.
When dating someone new around the holidays, avoid inviting them to a family get together or church service unless you have been out a few times and are ready to take things to the next level. The holidays can be a wonderful time to segue way into becoming an official item, but jumping the gun could make the other person uncomfortable and make for awkward conversations later when your friends and colleagues ask about that nice person you were dating-yikes!Christmas couple
 Instead go on a date that is fun and festive. Go ice skating and have a hot toddy afterward or grab some hot chocolate and go for a drive to look at Christmas lights. If things go well, these could turn into traditions that you will share for a lifetime.
When it comes to gift giving, be subtle. If you just started dating, being too extravagant could make your date feel awkward and you might regret it later if things fall through. Keep your ears open for ideas. If they have a favorite band, go to the webpage and buy some fan gear. Make a list (and check it twice-Oh!) If they mention a book they have been wanting to read, a wine they want to try, etc. Being thoughtful will get you major brownie points.
If you want to make sure you have a honey for the holidays, the time to start looking was, like, yesterday. The Real Matchmaker will set your search into high gear by scouting dates personally for you. The holidays are stressful enough, don’t let a lackluster love life make you feel like a Scrooge. Join our free, confidential Singles Social Network and start dating before the snow starts falling!
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Drop the “Too Cool” Mindset Already

“Too cool for school”,  Ben Stiller said it best in Zoolander: “You may think you’re too cool for school, but I got a news flash for you…you AREN’T.”  Often  applied with considerable sarcasm which  generally means a person who is deemed to have an inflated self-image. I think that most single people struggle with knowing how to approach and take advantage of every opportunity to meet new people.  As an Expert Matchmaker, I always encourage my clients (especially the single men) to engage with others in a relaxed and cool manner; all the while knowing the difference betUnknown-4ween coming across as cool and not conceited.  It is never easy if you’ve been out of the dating game for a while and you’re afraid of over compensating or trying to hard to impress; driving away potential friendships/dates. Dating and mingling with others takes time and persistence in order to find your mojo.

Here are 10 easy tips that will help you date and socialize smarter not harder.

  1. Remember to always walk into a room and share with everyone your best asset, “your smile”.  By nature we are all attracted to happy, high energy people.
  2. Posture is something people forget about. Practice walking and talking tall and with confident posture everywhere you go. For goodness sake put a pep in your step!!
  3. Think of yourself as a “9” on a scale of 1-10.  Tell yourself that you ARE attractive, interesting, funny and successful.
  4. Take the time to become a good listener and genuinely show interest in others, valuing their time and conversation.
  5. Learn to add into your conversation playful banter and light harmless teasing. Focus on showing others around you a good time.
  6. Appear a little hard to get, challenging, fun and confident by saying things like, “Now don’t get your hopes up, I’m not that easy to get a date with” or “Listen, I don’t care what everyone else is saying about you… I think you’re great.”
  7. Body language is important,  relax and make friendly eye contact (if your interested in someone, give them the 3 second gaze). Lean forward a little bit, when talking with someone (it shows confidence). Don’t cross your arms and keep your hands relaxed.
  8. Aside from body language, other elements of your appearance can affect how approachable you look. Dressing in clothing that is light/bright colors with textures that look soft, trendy and playful will help you look more approachable.
  9. Introduce yourself immediately to strangers at a social function – get the awkwardness out of the way immediately, and you’ll come across as cool and collected (always have 2 or 3 fun relatable stories you like to tell on the tip of your tongue).
  10. Once you have your introduction and conversation topics well prepared, don’t give yourself hours to get nervous – concentrate on something else to occupy your mind until it’s time to go out and socialize.  Don’t over-think, just follow the plan, stand up straight, make eye contact, smile and talk clearly about happy things.

Its now time to put your “coolness” into action, join a singles group, speed dating group, singles events or call a local Expert Matchmaker to help jump start your dating adventure . Remember the art of building confidence is taking risks and having the ability (and the guts) to do things that scares you. Don’t change what you are, just learn to be more confident in who you are.

Happy Dating! 

Jessie 

Expert Matchmaker for LA/OC

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Break-Up…Now What?

Reading about break-ups on a matchmaker blog may seem a bit ironic because we’re here to get people into relationships, not OUT of them. Well, the fact is that most of us have suffered a break up or two in our lives. Going through the end of a relationship can be devastating.

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Then the time comes a time when the dust begins to settle and the possibility of finding a new match doesn’t seem as scary as say, polar bearing  So what’s the next step after a break-up?

The most important step before you get serious about dating again is to put on the oxygen mask. That means that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. If you are still resentful about your ex, feeling insecure about your ability to attract a partner, have a difficult time trusting, etc., take the steps to move past your anger and doubt.  Beyond reading self-help books and therapy, there are things you can do to distract yourself from the pain of being single again and re-discover a wiser and more fulfilled version of yourself. Here are a few to get you excited about finding love (and you will!):

Be a Good Samaritan-Volunteering is a wonderful outlet because helping others helps to build your sense of self-value and enables you to open your heart.  Also, you may meet someone who is just as passionate about helping others-and that is hot. 

Learn Something New-If you’ve always wished you learned to tango, brushed up on your Spanish, or that you were a better cook, then now is the time to do it. Not only will you fill up the space you once spent with your partner, your confidence will soar and you’ll cross an item off your bucket list. Again, you open yourself to potentially meeting other quality singles by expanding your social life.

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Improve your surroundings-Give your bedroom a sexy makeover (luxurious sheets, anyone?), de-clutter and get organized (chuck that ugly painting your ex loved!), re-arrange your furniture, or plant a garden.  Investing inyour environment eases loneliness and motivates you to share it with someone new.

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Refresh your wardrobe-You are going to need some new date clothes for sure, and it’s likely your look has gotten a little stale or styles have changed since your last rodeo. For the love of God, get rid of your old underwear and socks (bras too, ladies!), and spoil yourself with new ones that you won’t mind showing off. And yes, there is such a thing as sexy socks.

 

Everyone is different when it comes to finding the best way to meet singles, and depending on your circumstances, things may have changed dramatically on the dating scene since you were last single. Online dating wasn’t around 20 years ago! You may be a few years out of college and scoping out hotties at a toga party or a bar crawl isn’t exactly your speed these days. The thing is, there are smarter ways to find your match than online dating, or standing around awkwardly at a bar. You can try a fun Single’s Partyor have an expert matchmaker go to work finding matches that are chosen  just for you.

You’ve read this far and you should be feeling stoked about who will be lucky enough to benefit from your mad cooking skills and play footsie with those sexy socks-but please, take them off before you hit those fancy new sheets! Go fill out your free, confidential Real Matchmaker Single Social Network Profile now to jump start your new and improved love life!

 

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Break Patterns

Time for changeDo you find yourself always dating the wrong woman or the wrong man?  Then you likely have a dating pattern that you need to break.

Sometimes, because people come in different shapes and sizes, we are often tricked into thinking they are different from our previous relationships. In reality this is not always the case.  Ladies, you may be dating someone who is more quite and shy than the ultra-manly man you dated before, but he is still not connecting emotionally. Fella’s, maybe you tried to date a woman who was a teacher because you thought she would be sweet and nurturing than your high powered ex, but she still seems too not have time for you. The reason it seems like “they’re all the same” is because, subconsciously, you are picking the same types of people to date. So the problem starts with you and your choices that your making.

If you’re reading this and feel like you could be making the mistakes with your love life, than take out a pen. Make a list of your 5 past relationships (good or bad), then list the first 5 qualities you liked and disliked about them that pop into your head. As you’re writing your list, you will soon be able to see a pattern. If the pattern is you date women who are not nurturing, start ask qualifying questions as you are getting to know your potential partner. For instance, “I love to stay home and make a delicious meal with a glass of wine. Do you like to cook? Are you open to cooking together?” You could also try the playful approach. “I’m a little childlike, when I’m sick. Are you a good nurse?” Judge her responses to your questions to decide whether or not she will be the type of nurturing woman you desire.

Figuring out the mind of a man is a little more difficult. The easiest way to judge them is by their actions. If your pattern is dating men who are emotionally unavailable, be wary of men who make excuses for not showing more emotion or refuse to open up about their personal lives. It’s important to make sure you both are on the same page with your feelings and expectations. If he says ‘I could see myself with you,’ that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to be with you. Relationships can be tricky. Yes, sometimes a man is confused about what he wants; but as a woman, how long do you wait around for him to figure it out? It’s a thin line between a man being confused and him stringing you along; make it your business to find out early on, which is which. Your feelings will thank you in the long run.

These are just two examples of possible bad dating patterns, but your pattern may be different. If you’re dating relationships aren’t working for you, challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone now. Attend singles events, make new friends and love yourself more. A dating coach is a great resource to help you identify and break dating patterns that are negatively impacting you’re dating life.

 

Happy Dating!

Jessie

The Real Matchmaker LA

 

 

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Dating Mythbusters: Nice Guys Finish Last

We all have heard the saying “Nice Guys finish last.” Admittedly, I hate this saying.  If you are a Nice Guy, you don’t have to turn into a Bad Boy to get the woman of your dreams. “Oh Yeah?” you nice guys may be thinking to yourself, “Well then why is it that when I am polite, and chivalrous, and complimentary I always seem to get the shaft?”

Here’s what it is: “Nice Guys” are generally too accommodating. Nice Guys ask for permission too often and apologize when they think she might be having a thought of disapproval for the most trivial reasons. Nice guys don’t challenge or oppose… they do everything right! So WHY isn’t she taking the bait? Because you are using a carrot, not  cupcake.

boringcarrotThink about it: Carrots are good for us, but no one ever looks forward to lunch time because they have carrots waiting for them.  Carrots are predictable and they taste pretty bland. Not bad, but not good either. Now, a cupcake: It isn’t healthy, but damn does it sure taste as good as it looks. A cupcake is decadent, but just enough to satisfy your sweet tooth without making you sick.  In order to achieve balance, we have to eat more carrots than cupcakes. Too many carrots and we feel bored, deprived, and undernourished; too many cupcakes and we feel sick and unattractive all the time.

Now that I’m craving a cupcake, I’ll get on with my point. The carrot dangling Nice Guy doesn’t rock the boat. He doesn’t speak up to the waiter if his dish is all wrong, or he left it up to the woman to choose what to do on the date for the sake of ensuring you do something she likes. After a couple of dates, a strong woman will start to wonder if she’ll end up steamrolling him and being saddled with making all of the decisions, and that’s a turn-off. Women want to be with a man who she respects and believes is strong enough to make decisions and stand up for her when she needs him. In essence, Nice Guys don’t always lead with their backbone, and you have to have a strong one to grab the attention of an attractive, capable woman.
Without game playing, or trying too hard take control: Offer up a cupcake. Figuratively, of course. Although, women love cupcakes now is not the time to be so literal. For example,  if you disagree with a point she is making, offer your opposing view point instead of keeping it in (Proceed with caution, though) The truth will come out eventually anyway, and she’ll be pleased to see that you aren’t afraid to stand up for yourself and hold true to your values. Perhaps you are seated right next to a drafty door and she’s cold- ask if you can wait at the bar until another table is available or ask to shut the door. You have just shown her diplomacy, integrity and confidence.
Next, always have an action plan. Sometimes Nice Guys hesitate to initiate or plan for fear of being shot down or saying/choosing/doing the wrong thing.  Trust me when I speak on behalf of all women that we would rather you TRY than not put in any effort at all. We may tell you what we prefer, but it’s rare that we’ll get angry.  Don’t always feel the need to ask for her permission: “When can I take you out again?” as opposed to “Would it be okay for me to call you sometime so that maybe we can go out again later?”  When you follow up with her on that date, make sure you’re prepared with a couple of ideas and specific venues. This shows her that she is on your mind that you are a good planner. Bonus points if you choose something that relates to information she has already provided you with. You have just shown her that you are thoughtful and a good listener. hitch_l
Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself!   The reason Bad Boys are so attractive is because they don’t care what other people think about them. Remember Puck from The Real World San Francisco? He was a train wreck! But he was fun to watch because he was who he was and he didn’t care if you liked it or not. No apologies.  However, it’s that not caring about what other people think factor that also makes them terrible at relationships.  Nice Guys are usually quite interesting, although their interests may not be conventional. You collect spoons? WHO CARES? You play D&D? So what, it’s like Fantasy Football for bookworms. Your favorite movie is Milo and Otis? Yeah, I like animals, what gives?  When you are proud of who you are and you’re not embarrassed to show it, that’s hot.
If you’re a Nice Guy, you’re too good to stay single. For you ladies who are sick of being mistreated by Bad Boys, it’s time to drop the zero and get with a hero! Join our Single’s Social Network at therealmatchmaker.com/contactus
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Age is just a numbers game

“I’ve always found it difficult to identify with men in their 30’s” Says 34 year old Melissa. Melissa is is a tall thin brunette, with understated style wearing black skinny jeans, a blue cashmere sweater that drapes around her collar bone, and nude Tori Burch ballet flats. She works passionately as a full time consultant for a prominent software company in Silicon Valley, but her real joy is in raising her eight year old daughter from her first marriage. Melissa is not your typical mid-thirties Bay Area woman. She prefers to spend her free time at the ballet, enjoying a quiet leisurely dinner with a close friend at a new restaurant, or at the theater. “I would rather put my head in a vice than go to a bar to meet guys!” Melissa laughs, “When I meet guys my age they are usually in a different place in their lives-still wanting to rage with their friends on the weekend, going to loud concerts, or snowboarding in Tahoe. Those things are fine for some people, but it’s just not who I am.” It’s for those reasons that Melissa has had the most success dating men in their 40’s who may have like her, divorced and are raising children.

Age is just a numberMany women in their 40’s and 50’s assume that men in their age range are automatically going to opt for dating women in their 30’s. “That is certainly not the case”, says John, a fit all-American looking 54 year old CFO. “I want a woman who I can identify with. It’s nice if she understands what raising kids is all about, but I still want to go out and have fun! I would love to meet a woman my age who looks great, has a fun and positive attitude, and wants a loving affectionate relationship. Sure, women in their 30’s are attractive and fun to date for a little while, but it never works out because we are at different stages in our lives”

The bottom line, is that there are very few singles out there who are true “age-ists”, dating those only who are within a chronological age range. The vast majority of singles are open to dating someone a few years outside of their age range if their level of attraction and lifestyles mirror each other. “I still want to ‘match’ my partner when we are walking down the street together” says Melissa “I’d be mortified if someone mistook my partner for being my father!”

Determining the right age range for yourself is less about the actual number, but your relationship history, goals, lifestyle and interests. When you keep in mind that age is incredibly subjective, especially after 45, you open yourself up to more opportunities to meet someone who shares your values and relationship goals!

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PRESS RELEASE: Dating Coaches at The Real Matchmaker Announce New Website Redesign

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The Real Matchmaker, a Californian team of dating coaches and image consultants, is pleased to announce the unveiling of its recently remodeled website, TheRealMatchmaker.com. The responsive, reader-friendly web design and new logo gives the company fresh, memorable branding. Additionally, new site organization makes it easy for clients and visitors to find information about The Real Matchmaker, view a schedule for singles social events, and read up on tips for successful dating.

 

The Real Matchmaker is a highly personalized dating and image consultant service operating in San Francisco, Orange County, and Los Angeles. The agency works to connect single professionals through a number of services, including:

 

  • One-on-one date coaching
  • Image consulting
  • Physical training and nutrition
  • Creative date ideas and planning
  • Interest-based events for singles
  • Online dating profile tips
  • Women’s roundtable workshops (“Let’s Talk about Men”)
  • Beauty Camp
  • Wingman outings and “Get the Girl: Dating Strategy” programs
  • Personal date scouting
  • And more

 

The website renovation was motivated in part by the desire to reflect the matchmaking service’s professional and unique approach. CEO Jessie Kay and COO Anni Powers believe in the advantage a hands-on, holistic approach to relationships has over many online services that rely on algorithms and surveys. The Real Matchmaker meets each member personally, giving dating tips and advice and working to find clients genuine connections.

 

In addition to a modern look and reworked logo, the website has a dynamic events calendar to announce singles events in the area and a dating coach blog updated regularly by Kay and Powers. Both are active participants in The Real Matchmaker’s services, hosting dinners, meeting clients, and acting as a dating and relationship coach to many local professionals.

 

“Now, our website mirrors our work – interesting, fun, effective, and helpful,” said Powers. “I believe it’s just one more way we can help our clients meet professional singles and find the healthy, lasting relationships they desire.”

 

Learn more or join The Real Matchmaker’s network by contacting the personal dating coaches at 855-664-4LUV or through their online form. Los Angeles and Orange County professionals are encouraged to contact Jessie Kay at jessie@therealmatchmaker.com, while interested individuals in San Francisco can reach Anni Powers at anni@therealmatchmaker.com.

Jessie Kay

The Real Matchmaker
855-664-4588

www.therealmatchmaker.com

jessie@therealmatchmaker.com

 

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Passion not perfection!

As a matchmaker and date scout, I interview A LOT of women and talk about the types of single men they would like to date.  One of the first qualities they desire in a partner is passion, not physical passion (well, that’s important too!), but passion for life itself. Being a single man, a successful career and taking care of your physical appearance are important; but when women describe men they’ve found irresistible the quality that made them fall head over heels was that he was interesting and had elements of his life outside of work and family that set him apart from other men.

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You don’t have to compete in triathlons or have climbed Mt Kilimanjaro to show that you have a zest for life. Instead you may dedicate your free time to charity work or maybe you are really proud of all the work you’ve done growing a vegetable garden.  Any dating coach and professional matchmaker will tell you that having a multifaceted life is not only healthy for your personal fulfillment, but is also vital and necessary in attracting an extraordinary partner.

So what are you to do if you don’t have any interests that really excite you? Short answer: Find some stat! There are a number of reasons that you haven’t prioritized your hobbies and interests.  Don’t let your busy work and social life stand in your way.  Think about all the things you have wanted to learn more about or try. Start small by going to a museum lecture or join an organization that hosts weekly activities. This will not only inspire you, but you will become more enthused about your new experiences and will have some fun and entertaining stories to share on your dates!

 

For more great dating insights and tips for singles in San Francisco contact Anni at anni@therealmatchmaker.com!

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Who Doesn’t Want to Be More Charismatic?

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If you are single and in the Los Angeles or San Francisco area then you know how unbelievably difficult it is to meet quality singles… Now add quality singles with charisma. Of course it looks so easy when we see that cool, confident person walk in the room. I know most of us wish we had mesmerizing charismatic effects on the opposite sex, like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Bill Clinton, Madonna, Sofia Vergara and the Charlize Theron’s of the world (it would make dating a heck of a lot easier). Well believe it or not, these famous sexy, charismatic people where not always irresistible sex symbols. They, just like me and you, had to work at being magnetic.

What makes you attractive to the opposite sex even if you’re not the best looking person? What moves people to take notice of you wherever you are? What invisible “mojo magic” can mesmerize, seduce, motivate and persuade other attractive singles to notice you. It’s charisma, non the less; its so powerful yet can’t be seen or even touched but we all know when someone has it.

As Expert Matchmakers at The Real Matchmaker in Los Angeles and San Francisco, we have a series of question we ask our clients in order to find out their charisma level:

  1. In most situations are you seen as a leader?
  2. Do you always find it easy to make new friends or catch someone’s eye?
  3. Is it easy for you to make the 1st move?
  4. Are you often the center of attention?
  5. Do people generally consider you successful and attractive?
  6. Are you told you have a great sense of humor and know how to make people laugh?

If you can honestly answer Yes to all of these questions then you are here by deemed as a “high level charismatic person”. And on the other hand if you answered most of these questions with a No,  then here are some dating tips towards making your charisma irresistible.

  1. Engage with more expression, humor and with inflection in your voice. Being predictable is never sexy.
  2. Create a presence or make an impact when you enter a room. Charisma is confidence, high energy and creative, never cocky or overly aggressive.
  3. Its always good to keep a little mystery about yourself. Its never the loudest most obnoxious person in the room that is envied.
  4. Learn to tell stories better by painting pictures in a listeners mind. Don’t just tell your story, create an experience with descriptive language.
  5. Dare to have your own unique style. Most charismatic people are not copycats.
  6. As a rule of thumb, by honestly making people feel good about themselves will in return make them feel good about you.

Don’t let trying to be charismatic paralyze you, its suppose to help you discover who you really could be. Visit therealmatchmaker.com to sign up for a sizzling Single to Mingle event or an Attractive Singles Party where you can meet other professional singles and dazzle them with your charisma!

 

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Want a Healthy, Lasting Relationship? Keep it Simple!

We at The Real Matchmaker have been spending a ton of time lately researching the hundreds of dating coaches out there relationship advisers out there. It’s mind-boggling! Frankly, it’s difficult to comprehend how dating coaching can be effective without actually meeting people. Our mission in doing this research was to find the common themes and condense them into a handy dandy quick read so that you can spend less time trying to figure out how to get what you want and more time actually GETTING IT.

Love Yourself

Accept the person you are today. Acknowledge what you are most proud of. Take the steps to improve upon the areas in which you feel you need to grow. Make a commitment to say 3 nice things to yourself for every 1 negative thought.

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Be a reflection of the partner you desire

 

Assess yourself: Career, finances, body image, social life, family values, household habits, spirituality, emotional stability,  and what your relationship goals are. Are you a mirror of the partner that you desire? If not, you must choose to improve upon yourself or adjust your expectations. You must enter into a lasting relationship as equals.

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Remember: You are a capable of loving and being loved. You are worthy of adoration and loyalty. You are an open invitation to love and devotion.

Let Go of Fear

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This can be a challenge and it takes being very honest and vulnerable with yourself to identify the source of your fear. Fear is your biggest obstacle in attaining a healthy relationship, so we’ve developed some affirmations when you need to talk yourself off the ledge:

  • Fear of rejection (not being loved)

The person you attract will be attracted to you

  • Fear of needs not being met (disappointment)

The person you choose will compromise to meet your needs

  • Fear of abandonment (not feeling secure)

The person you attract will be loyal and supportive

  • Fear of not being good enough (not feeling valued)

The person you attract will celebrate the person you are today, not who you could potentially be

  • Fear of wasting time (missed opportunities)

You make a conscious decision to let go of your Plan B and invest your heart in the person in front of you

  • Fear of choosing the wrong partner (self-doubt)

You have reached a level of self-awareness and value that allows you to trust yourself in choosing a partner that is attracted to you, meets your needs, that is loyal, that celebrates who you are today, and you have let go of questioning who else is out there.

Get into ACTION

You will not bring a partner into your life without action. Get involved with singles social groups, join an online dating site, and hire a matchmaker. Make a commitment to go on at least 2 dates a month.

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ccept that your life will change when you bring another into your life

You will be glad to accommodate and make room for your partner in life. Clear out space to actively seek your partner.

Change Your Mind-set About the Journey

Finding your partner should be fun. Let go of your expectations of the end result and enjoy the present. When you are engaged in the moment, happy, and care-free you will be more likely to attract a loving partner.

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