Dating Mythbusters: Nice Guys Finish Last

We all have heard the saying “Nice Guys finish last.” Admittedly, I hate this saying.  If you are a Nice Guy, you don’t have to turn into a Bad Boy to get the woman of your dreams. “Oh Yeah?” you nice guys may be thinking to yourself, “Well then why is it that when I am polite, and chivalrous, and complimentary I always seem to get the shaft?”

Here’s what it is: “Nice Guys” are generally too accommodating. Nice Guys ask for permission too often and apologize when they think she might be having a thought of disapproval for the most trivial reasons. Nice guys don’t challenge or oppose… they do everything right! So WHY isn’t she taking the bait? Because you are using a carrot, not  cupcake.

boringcarrotThink about it: Carrots are good for us, but no one ever looks forward to lunch time because they have carrots waiting for them.  Carrots are predictable and they taste pretty bland. Not bad, but not good either. Now, a cupcake: It isn’t healthy, but damn does it sure taste as good as it looks. A cupcake is decadent, but just enough to satisfy your sweet tooth without making you sick.  In order to achieve balance, we have to eat more carrots than cupcakes. Too many carrots and we feel bored, deprived, and undernourished; too many cupcakes and we feel sick and unattractive all the time.

Now that I’m craving a cupcake, I’ll get on with my point. The carrot dangling Nice Guy doesn’t rock the boat. He doesn’t speak up to the waiter if his dish is all wrong, or he left it up to the woman to choose what to do on the date for the sake of ensuring you do something she likes. After a couple of dates, a strong woman will start to wonder if she’ll end up steamrolling him and being saddled with making all of the decisions, and that’s a turn-off. Women want to be with a man who she respects and believes is strong enough to make decisions and stand up for her when she needs him. In essence, Nice Guys don’t always lead with their backbone, and you have to have a strong one to grab the attention of an attractive, capable woman.
Without game playing, or trying too hard take control: Offer up a cupcake. Figuratively, of course. Although, women love cupcakes now is not the time to be so literal. For example,  if you disagree with a point she is making, offer your opposing view point instead of keeping it in (Proceed with caution, though) The truth will come out eventually anyway, and she’ll be pleased to see that you aren’t afraid to stand up for yourself and hold true to your values. Perhaps you are seated right next to a drafty door and she’s cold- ask if you can wait at the bar until another table is available or ask to shut the door. You have just shown her diplomacy, integrity and confidence.
Next, always have an action plan. Sometimes Nice Guys hesitate to initiate or plan for fear of being shot down or saying/choosing/doing the wrong thing.  Trust me when I speak on behalf of all women that we would rather you TRY than not put in any effort at all. We may tell you what we prefer, but it’s rare that we’ll get angry.  Don’t always feel the need to ask for her permission: “When can I take you out again?” as opposed to “Would it be okay for me to call you sometime so that maybe we can go out again later?”  When you follow up with her on that date, make sure you’re prepared with a couple of ideas and specific venues. This shows her that she is on your mind that you are a good planner. Bonus points if you choose something that relates to information she has already provided you with. You have just shown her that you are thoughtful and a good listener. hitch_l
Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself!   The reason Bad Boys are so attractive is because they don’t care what other people think about them. Remember Puck from The Real World San Francisco? He was a train wreck! But he was fun to watch because he was who he was and he didn’t care if you liked it or not. No apologies.  However, it’s that not caring about what other people think factor that also makes them terrible at relationships.  Nice Guys are usually quite interesting, although their interests may not be conventional. You collect spoons? WHO CARES? You play D&D? So what, it’s like Fantasy Football for bookworms. Your favorite movie is Milo and Otis? Yeah, I like animals, what gives?  When you are proud of who you are and you’re not embarrassed to show it, that’s hot.
If you’re a Nice Guy, you’re too good to stay single. For you ladies who are sick of being mistreated by Bad Boys, it’s time to drop the zero and get with a hero! Join our Single’s Social Network at therealmatchmaker.com/contactus
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