Drop the “Too Cool” Mindset Already

“Too cool for school”,  Ben Stiller said it best in Zoolander: “You may think you’re too cool for school, but I got a news flash for you…you AREN’T.”  Often  applied with considerable sarcasm which  generally means a person who is deemed to have an inflated self-image. I think that most single people struggle with knowing how to approach and take advantage of every opportunity to meet new people.  As an Expert Matchmaker, I always encourage my clients (especially the single men) to engage with others in a relaxed and cool manner; all the while knowing the difference betUnknown-4ween coming across as cool and not conceited.  It is never easy if you’ve been out of the dating game for a while and you’re afraid of over compensating or trying to hard to impress; driving away potential friendships/dates. Dating and mingling with others takes time and persistence in order to find your mojo.

Here are 10 easy tips that will help you date and socialize smarter not harder.

  1. Remember to always walk into a room and share with everyone your best asset, “your smile”.  By nature we are all attracted to happy, high energy people.
  2. Posture is something people forget about. Practice walking and talking tall and with confident posture everywhere you go. For goodness sake put a pep in your step!!
  3. Think of yourself as a “9” on a scale of 1-10.  Tell yourself that you ARE attractive, interesting, funny and successful.
  4. Take the time to become a good listener and genuinely show interest in others, valuing their time and conversation.
  5. Learn to add into your conversation playful banter and light harmless teasing. Focus on showing others around you a good time.
  6. Appear a little hard to get, challenging, fun and confident by saying things like, “Now don’t get your hopes up, I’m not that easy to get a date with” or “Listen, I don’t care what everyone else is saying about you… I think you’re great.”
  7. Body language is important,  relax and make friendly eye contact (if your interested in someone, give them the 3 second gaze). Lean forward a little bit, when talking with someone (it shows confidence). Don’t cross your arms and keep your hands relaxed.
  8. Aside from body language, other elements of your appearance can affect how approachable you look. Dressing in clothing that is light/bright colors with textures that look soft, trendy and playful will help you look more approachable.
  9. Introduce yourself immediately to strangers at a social function – get the awkwardness out of the way immediately, and you’ll come across as cool and collected (always have 2 or 3 fun relatable stories you like to tell on the tip of your tongue).
  10. Once you have your introduction and conversation topics well prepared, don’t give yourself hours to get nervous – concentrate on something else to occupy your mind until it’s time to go out and socialize.  Don’t over-think, just follow the plan, stand up straight, make eye contact, smile and talk clearly about happy things.

Its now time to put your “coolness” into action, join a singles group, speed dating group, singles events or call a local Expert Matchmaker to help jump start your dating adventure . Remember the art of building confidence is taking risks and having the ability (and the guts) to do things that scares you. Don’t change what you are, just learn to be more confident in who you are.

Happy Dating! 

Jessie 

Expert Matchmaker for LA/OC

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