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Break Patterns

Time for changeDo you find yourself always dating the wrong woman or the wrong man?  Then you likely have a dating pattern that you need to break.

Sometimes, because people come in different shapes and sizes, we are often tricked into thinking they are different from our previous relationships. In reality this is not always the case.  Ladies, you may be dating someone who is more quite and shy than the ultra-manly man you dated before, but he is still not connecting emotionally. Fella’s, maybe you tried to date a woman who was a teacher because you thought she would be sweet and nurturing than your high powered ex, but she still seems too not have time for you. The reason it seems like “they’re all the same” is because, subconsciously, you are picking the same types of people to date. So the problem starts with you and your choices that your making.

If you’re reading this and feel like you could be making the mistakes with your love life, than take out a pen. Make a list of your 5 past relationships (good or bad), then list the first 5 qualities you liked and disliked about them that pop into your head. As you’re writing your list, you will soon be able to see a pattern. If the pattern is you date women who are not nurturing, start ask qualifying questions as you are getting to know your potential partner. For instance, “I love to stay home and make a delicious meal with a glass of wine. Do you like to cook? Are you open to cooking together?” You could also try the playful approach. “I’m a little childlike, when I’m sick. Are you a good nurse?” Judge her responses to your questions to decide whether or not she will be the type of nurturing woman you desire.

Figuring out the mind of a man is a little more difficult. The easiest way to judge them is by their actions. If your pattern is dating men who are emotionally unavailable, be wary of men who make excuses for not showing more emotion or refuse to open up about their personal lives. It’s important to make sure you both are on the same page with your feelings and expectations. If he says ‘I could see myself with you,’ that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to be with you. Relationships can be tricky. Yes, sometimes a man is confused about what he wants; but as a woman, how long do you wait around for him to figure it out? It’s a thin line between a man being confused and him stringing you along; make it your business to find out early on, which is which. Your feelings will thank you in the long run.

These are just two examples of possible bad dating patterns, but your pattern may be different. If you’re dating relationships aren’t working for you, challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone now. Attend singles events, make new friends and love yourself more. A dating coach is a great resource to help you identify and break dating patterns that are negatively impacting you’re dating life.


Happy Dating!


The Real Matchmaker LA



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Dating Mythbusters: Nice Guys Finish Last

We all have heard the saying “Nice Guys finish last.” Admittedly, I hate this saying.  If you are a Nice Guy, you don’t have to turn into a Bad Boy to get the woman of your dreams. “Oh Yeah?” you nice guys may be thinking to yourself, “Well then why is it that when I am polite, and chivalrous, and complimentary I always seem to get the shaft?”

Here’s what it is: “Nice Guys” are generally too accommodating. Nice Guys ask for permission too often and apologize when they think she might be having a thought of disapproval for the most trivial reasons. Nice guys don’t challenge or oppose… they do everything right! So WHY isn’t she taking the bait? Because you are using a carrot, not  cupcake.

boringcarrotThink about it: Carrots are good for us, but no one ever looks forward to lunch time because they have carrots waiting for them.  Carrots are predictable and they taste pretty bland. Not bad, but not good either. Now, a cupcake: It isn’t healthy, but damn does it sure taste as good as it looks. A cupcake is decadent, but just enough to satisfy your sweet tooth without making you sick.  In order to achieve balance, we have to eat more carrots than cupcakes. Too many carrots and we feel bored, deprived, and undernourished; too many cupcakes and we feel sick and unattractive all the time.

Now that I’m craving a cupcake, I’ll get on with my point. The carrot dangling Nice Guy doesn’t rock the boat. He doesn’t speak up to the waiter if his dish is all wrong, or he left it up to the woman to choose what to do on the date for the sake of ensuring you do something she likes. After a couple of dates, a strong woman will start to wonder if she’ll end up steamrolling him and being saddled with making all of the decisions, and that’s a turn-off. Women want to be with a man who she respects and believes is strong enough to make decisions and stand up for her when she needs him. In essence, Nice Guys don’t always lead with their backbone, and you have to have a strong one to grab the attention of an attractive, capable woman.
Without game playing, or trying too hard take control: Offer up a cupcake. Figuratively, of course. Although, women love cupcakes now is not the time to be so literal. For example,  if you disagree with a point she is making, offer your opposing view point instead of keeping it in (Proceed with caution, though) The truth will come out eventually anyway, and she’ll be pleased to see that you aren’t afraid to stand up for yourself and hold true to your values. Perhaps you are seated right next to a drafty door and she’s cold- ask if you can wait at the bar until another table is available or ask to shut the door. You have just shown her diplomacy, integrity and confidence.
Next, always have an action plan. Sometimes Nice Guys hesitate to initiate or plan for fear of being shot down or saying/choosing/doing the wrong thing.  Trust me when I speak on behalf of all women that we would rather you TRY than not put in any effort at all. We may tell you what we prefer, but it’s rare that we’ll get angry.  Don’t always feel the need to ask for her permission: “When can I take you out again?” as opposed to “Would it be okay for me to call you sometime so that maybe we can go out again later?”  When you follow up with her on that date, make sure you’re prepared with a couple of ideas and specific venues. This shows her that she is on your mind that you are a good planner. Bonus points if you choose something that relates to information she has already provided you with. You have just shown her that you are thoughtful and a good listener. hitch_l
Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself!   The reason Bad Boys are so attractive is because they don’t care what other people think about them. Remember Puck from The Real World San Francisco? He was a train wreck! But he was fun to watch because he was who he was and he didn’t care if you liked it or not. No apologies.  However, it’s that not caring about what other people think factor that also makes them terrible at relationships.  Nice Guys are usually quite interesting, although their interests may not be conventional. You collect spoons? WHO CARES? You play D&D? So what, it’s like Fantasy Football for bookworms. Your favorite movie is Milo and Otis? Yeah, I like animals, what gives?  When you are proud of who you are and you’re not embarrassed to show it, that’s hot.
If you’re a Nice Guy, you’re too good to stay single. For you ladies who are sick of being mistreated by Bad Boys, it’s time to drop the zero and get with a hero! Join our Single’s Social Network at
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Age is just a numbers game

“I’ve always found it difficult to identify with men in their 30’s” Says 34 year old Melissa. Melissa is is a tall thin brunette, with understated style wearing black skinny jeans, a blue cashmere sweater that drapes around her collar bone, and nude Tori Burch ballet flats. She works passionately as a full time consultant for a prominent software company in Silicon Valley, but her real joy is in raising her eight year old daughter from her first marriage. Melissa is not your typical mid-thirties Bay Area woman. She prefers to spend her free time at the ballet, enjoying a quiet leisurely dinner with a close friend at a new restaurant, or at the theater. “I would rather put my head in a vice than go to a bar to meet guys!” Melissa laughs, “When I meet guys my age they are usually in a different place in their lives-still wanting to rage with their friends on the weekend, going to loud concerts, or snowboarding in Tahoe. Those things are fine for some people, but it’s just not who I am.” It’s for those reasons that Melissa has had the most success dating men in their 40’s who may have like her, divorced and are raising children.

Age is just a numberMany women in their 40’s and 50’s assume that men in their age range are automatically going to opt for dating women in their 30’s. “That is certainly not the case”, says John, a fit all-American looking 54 year old CFO. “I want a woman who I can identify with. It’s nice if she understands what raising kids is all about, but I still want to go out and have fun! I would love to meet a woman my age who looks great, has a fun and positive attitude, and wants a loving affectionate relationship. Sure, women in their 30’s are attractive and fun to date for a little while, but it never works out because we are at different stages in our lives”

The bottom line, is that there are very few singles out there who are true “age-ists”, dating those only who are within a chronological age range. The vast majority of singles are open to dating someone a few years outside of their age range if their level of attraction and lifestyles mirror each other. “I still want to ‘match’ my partner when we are walking down the street together” says Melissa “I’d be mortified if someone mistook my partner for being my father!”

Determining the right age range for yourself is less about the actual number, but your relationship history, goals, lifestyle and interests. When you keep in mind that age is incredibly subjective, especially after 45, you open yourself up to more opportunities to meet someone who shares your values and relationship goals!

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PRESS RELEASE: Dating Coaches at The Real Matchmaker Announce New Website Redesign

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The Real Matchmaker, a Californian team of dating coaches and image consultants, is pleased to announce the unveiling of its recently remodeled website, The responsive, reader-friendly web design and new logo gives the company fresh, memorable branding. Additionally, new site organization makes it easy for clients and visitors to find information about The Real Matchmaker, view a schedule for singles social events, and read up on tips for successful dating.


The Real Matchmaker is a highly personalized dating and image consultant service operating in San Francisco, Orange County, and Los Angeles. The agency works to connect single professionals through a number of services, including:


  • One-on-one date coaching
  • Image consulting
  • Physical training and nutrition
  • Creative date ideas and planning
  • Interest-based events for singles
  • Online dating profile tips
  • Women’s roundtable workshops (“Let’s Talk about Men”)
  • Beauty Camp
  • Wingman outings and “Get the Girl: Dating Strategy” programs
  • Personal date scouting
  • And more


The website renovation was motivated in part by the desire to reflect the matchmaking service’s professional and unique approach. CEO Jessie Kay and COO Anni Powers believe in the advantage a hands-on, holistic approach to relationships has over many online services that rely on algorithms and surveys. The Real Matchmaker meets each member personally, giving dating tips and advice and working to find clients genuine connections.


In addition to a modern look and reworked logo, the website has a dynamic events calendar to announce singles events in the area and a dating coach blog updated regularly by Kay and Powers. Both are active participants in The Real Matchmaker’s services, hosting dinners, meeting clients, and acting as a dating and relationship coach to many local professionals.


“Now, our website mirrors our work – interesting, fun, effective, and helpful,” said Powers. “I believe it’s just one more way we can help our clients meet professional singles and find the healthy, lasting relationships they desire.”


Learn more or join The Real Matchmaker’s network by contacting the personal dating coaches at 855-664-4LUV or through their online form. Los Angeles and Orange County professionals are encouraged to contact Jessie Kay at, while interested individuals in San Francisco can reach Anni Powers at

Jessie Kay

The Real Matchmaker


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Passion not perfection!

As a matchmaker and date scout, I interview A LOT of women and talk about the types of single men they would like to date.  One of the first qualities they desire in a partner is passion, not physical passion (well, that’s important too!), but passion for life itself. Being a single man, a successful career and taking care of your physical appearance are important; but when women describe men they’ve found irresistible the quality that made them fall head over heels was that he was interesting and had elements of his life outside of work and family that set him apart from other men.

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You don’t have to compete in triathlons or have climbed Mt Kilimanjaro to show that you have a zest for life. Instead you may dedicate your free time to charity work or maybe you are really proud of all the work you’ve done growing a vegetable garden.  Any dating coach and professional matchmaker will tell you that having a multifaceted life is not only healthy for your personal fulfillment, but is also vital and necessary in attracting an extraordinary partner.

So what are you to do if you don’t have any interests that really excite you? Short answer: Find some stat! There are a number of reasons that you haven’t prioritized your hobbies and interests.  Don’t let your busy work and social life stand in your way.  Think about all the things you have wanted to learn more about or try. Start small by going to a museum lecture or join an organization that hosts weekly activities. This will not only inspire you, but you will become more enthused about your new experiences and will have some fun and entertaining stories to share on your dates!


For more great dating insights and tips for singles in San Francisco contact Anni at!

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Who Doesn’t Want to Be More Charismatic?


If you are single and in the Los Angeles or San Francisco area then you know how unbelievably difficult it is to meet quality singles… Now add quality singles with charisma. Of course it looks so easy when we see that cool, confident person walk in the room. I know most of us wish we had mesmerizing charismatic effects on the opposite sex, like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Bill Clinton, Madonna, Sofia Vergara and the Charlize Theron’s of the world (it would make dating a heck of a lot easier). Well believe it or not, these famous sexy, charismatic people where not always irresistible sex symbols. They, just like me and you, had to work at being magnetic.

What makes you attractive to the opposite sex even if you’re not the best looking person? What moves people to take notice of you wherever you are? What invisible “mojo magic” can mesmerize, seduce, motivate and persuade other attractive singles to notice you. It’s charisma, non the less; its so powerful yet can’t be seen or even touched but we all know when someone has it.

As Expert Matchmakers at The Real Matchmaker in Los Angeles and San Francisco, we have a series of question we ask our clients in order to find out their charisma level:

  1. In most situations are you seen as a leader?
  2. Do you always find it easy to make new friends or catch someone’s eye?
  3. Is it easy for you to make the 1st move?
  4. Are you often the center of attention?
  5. Do people generally consider you successful and attractive?
  6. Are you told you have a great sense of humor and know how to make people laugh?

If you can honestly answer Yes to all of these questions then you are here by deemed as a “high level charismatic person”. And on the other hand if you answered most of these questions with a No,  then here are some dating tips towards making your charisma irresistible.

  1. Engage with more expression, humor and with inflection in your voice. Being predictable is never sexy.
  2. Create a presence or make an impact when you enter a room. Charisma is confidence, high energy and creative, never cocky or overly aggressive.
  3. Its always good to keep a little mystery about yourself. Its never the loudest most obnoxious person in the room that is envied.
  4. Learn to tell stories better by painting pictures in a listeners mind. Don’t just tell your story, create an experience with descriptive language.
  5. Dare to have your own unique style. Most charismatic people are not copycats.
  6. As a rule of thumb, by honestly making people feel good about themselves will in return make them feel good about you.

Don’t let trying to be charismatic paralyze you, its suppose to help you discover who you really could be. Visit to sign up for a sizzling Single to Mingle event or an Attractive Singles Party where you can meet other professional singles and dazzle them with your charisma!


Linda, Pacific Palisades, CA

Dating in Los Angeles can be such a headache. Jessie, you have gotten me excited about finding love again and I am actually having fun in the process. I always look forward to meeting my dates and have had more second dates through The Real Matchmaker than when I was searching for quality single men on my own. You really are the best dating service in Los Angeles-possibly the entire world!

Brian, Culver City, CA

Anni, If it wasn’t for your dating advice and scouting I wouldn’t have been in position emotionally to meet my current girlfriend. At the very least, I may not have appreciated how great she is. Thank you for everything!!!

Sonya, Beverly Hills, CA

I was blown away by the great food and great company at the single event you put together. It was so nice that you talked to all of us before the event so that we felt more comfortable. Conversations were so effortless and I can honestly say that this was the most organized and fun singles event I have ever attended. I can’t wait to attend the Date Me Game event you are hosting next month!

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