It never fails that at least once a day someone tells me about the methods, rules, and-dare I say-myths singles subscribe to on their quest for love. I always listen intently, waiting to hear how this little trick or test is the sure fire way to “figure women out” or “find out right away if he’s boyfriend material”. Now, before you write me off as Judgy McJudgerson, keep reading. Far be it from me to tell you how to live your life…HA! Yeahright. I LIVE to tell you how to live your life. Well, your love life anyway. Trust me, I’m on your side and I love you! That is why I must put the kibosh on this malarkey right here, right now.
This is business so I am bringing out the bullet points for dramatic effect and because I’m friggin’ serious:
- You will know within 30 seconds if you feel physically attracted- If we only had 30 seconds to give an answer, the human race would have died out long ago. Obviously, you can tell if someone is hot or not at first glance. Fortunately for all of us, we have the ability to change our minds. Chances are it took a while (definitely more than 30 seconds!) to get the date lined up and you have already spent some time and money getting ready for the date (I hope!); So if you show up and your date doesn’t immediately light your fire, just relax and let go of your expectations. Without the pressure you can just enjoy getting to know the person. Worst case scenario, the night is pleasant at best. Best case scenario you start feeling warm and fuzzy mid-date and could just end up living happily ever after; Or maybe just making a new friend.
- Wait 3 days before you call… B.K.A The 3 Day Rule-3 days!? That is an eternity when you want to know if someone is interested! Plus, it gives the person playing the waiting game WAY too much time to analyze. When rejection is looming defense mechanisms kick in and all kinds of assumptions are being made about why you haven’t called and why you aren’t good enough anyway. Hmpf! Not knowing if the other person likes you or when you will see them again sucks, so get on the horn no more than 2 days after and make an action plan for your next date.
- The person must have/be (insert physical characteristic here)- This is usually height, weight, or race, so you get a pass if you are a woman that is over 5’10″ that wants a 6′+ guy, or if you have a very active lifestyle and want someone fit, or if you or your family have cultural objections to a particular race or religion*. It’s perfectly okay to have standards, but if you are hung up on a particular “look” or physical “type” you might want to examine what qualities your ideal partner would possess. Physical attraction is vital to a romantic relationship, no doubt about it, but so are values, trust, humor, and a desire to look after each other’s needs. Take it from me, I was partial to Asian guys until I took a chance on a tall, bearded Jewish chap wearing a hot dog suit because his profile was well-written, hilarious, and endearing. Blah blah blah….and then I married him.
- My friends and family have to approve first- If the person you are dating treats you like gold and leads a life that you approve of, but your friends or family give them the thumbs down, it is time to tell them what to do with that thumb! Friends and family try to look out for your best interests, but be wary if you see a theme that no one is ever good enough for you in their eyes. You may have to stop telling them about the details of your dating life if you feel that they are always throwing salt in your game. NEVER introduce your date to your family right away or “accidentally” bump into your best friends on your second night out. If your family or friends play too much of a roll in your decision making it will become tiresome to your partner and could cost you the relationship in the long run. Start setting boundaries with your loved ones now and try making relationship choices on your own or with the help of a professional.
- I won’t have sex on the first date- This is actually a really good rule. Don’t break this rule.
*Race is a touchy subject. It could be that you have never been physically attracted, a cultural issue, the opinion of your family, etc. Bottom line: Be open minded and be true to yourself when it comes to dating outside of your race.