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No More Missed Connections!

Ever wonder what could have been with someone you shared a glance with? Have you spent hours wondering why that great catch you went out with never asked for a second date? Is it driving you crazy that the autogenerated match of your dreams from your online dating site still hasn’t written you, much less given you a wink? Just about every single person has been baffled trying to find the answers to these questions.Our expert matchmakers are happy to share some of the most common reasons the people we encounter don’t always initiate or follow up. More importantly, we’ll get you started on a fool-proof path to make the most of your connections!

The most frustrating scenario is when you meet someone, they ask for your number and then-radio silence. There are a multitude of reasons this happens, but it isn’t always that the person lost interest.

All of us have busy lives and have been guilty of putting that important phone call on the back burner so that we have uninterrupted time to chat and set up a date. Before you know it, 4 days have passed and we assume that the person is upset so we do them the favor of getting lost. Rule #1: Don’t assume anything! If you fear the other person has lost interest or is upset, give them the chance to speak for themselves . By making that call and apologizing for the delay you may get Brownie points for taking accountability and the other person may feel excited and relieved that you finally called. Worst case scenario you don’t get a second chance, but you can breathe easier knowing that you gave it a shot.Traditionally, men are the initiators when it comes to dating. We can sometimes lose sight of the fact that the brunt of the rejection falls upon men in the beginning stages of courting. Even the most confident men are going to fall victim to a little stage fright! That is why many men won’t strike up a conversation if they see you out in day to day life. The fear of rejection could be the reason that he didn’t write after he glanced at your online profile. I have had many men tell me that one of the reasons they didn’t initiate contact was because he thought the woman was too pretty to consider a date with him. That thought alone could break your heart! It is important as women that we send out signals that it is okay to approach us, so the next time you see a guy glancing your way, give him a warm hello-that goes for the real world and online. You will be surprised to find that you are asked out a lot more often.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have some third party perspective to your very own love life? Our matchmakers will not only personally scout your dates, we will simplify introductions through coordinating your schedules and choosing a fantastic and convenient meeting location and we are here for you after your dates too! You will gain invaluable insight from the people you meet and your matchmaker will give you thoughtful guidance as to how you can better position yourself for attracting the right partner. We take the guess work out of your dating life so that you have time to focus on more important things -like planning your second date!


Don’t leave your love life to chance! Get started on your path to love by contacting Jessie in Southern California or Anni in The San Francisco Bay Area at 855-664-4588 and fill out your free, confidential profile HERE

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Get a Honey for The Holidays!

It’s that special time of year again and the hustle and bustle that the holidays bring doesn’t mean that your love life needs to come to a halt. There are plenty of ways to ensure that you have someone to smooch under the mistletoe and The Real Matchmaker has a few gifts of their own to share to make your dating life merry and bright!
One reason that people have a hard time meeting people is because we’re too shy to strike up a conversation when we see someone we like. So don’t hesitate…you might just snag a great date! Conversation starters when you are out shopping are endless . If you see someone that catches your eye, strike up a conversation by asking for some advice. Buying wine for a party? Choosing a gift for mom? People love to help each other, so asking for a little guidance will make the other person feel special. Wrap it up (har har!) by saying “Wow, you have really great taste. I know a great wine bar near by if you’d like to grab a drink sometime!” couple-shopping_300You can even increase your chances of bumping into the kind of person you’d like to date by perusing stores that they would shop in. Guys, are you looking for a woman who is really feminine and classy? Go to the accessories and fragrance section of department stores. Any other time of year you might risk looking like a creeper, so take advantage!
The other thing that complicates dating during the holidays is that schedules can get hectic with travel to visit family, company Christmas parties, etc. These can be great for chatting up someone new, but what if you just started dating someone great and it’s too soon to tell if they’re relationship material.
When dating someone new around the holidays, avoid inviting them to a family get together or church service unless you have been out a few times and are ready to take things to the next level. The holidays can be a wonderful time to segue way into becoming an official item, but jumping the gun could make the other person uncomfortable and make for awkward conversations later when your friends and colleagues ask about that nice person you were dating-yikes!Christmas couple
 Instead go on a date that is fun and festive. Go ice skating and have a hot toddy afterward or grab some hot chocolate and go for a drive to look at Christmas lights. If things go well, these could turn into traditions that you will share for a lifetime.
When it comes to gift giving, be subtle. If you just started dating, being too extravagant could make your date feel awkward and you might regret it later if things fall through. Keep your ears open for ideas. If they have a favorite band, go to the webpage and buy some fan gear. Make a list (and check it twice-Oh!) If they mention a book they have been wanting to read, a wine they want to try, etc. Being thoughtful will get you major brownie points.
If you want to make sure you have a honey for the holidays, the time to start looking was, like, yesterday. The Real Matchmaker will set your search into high gear by scouting dates personally for you. The holidays are stressful enough, don’t let a lackluster love life make you feel like a Scrooge. Join our free, confidential Singles Social Network and start dating before the snow starts falling!
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Drop the “Too Cool” Mindset Already

“Too cool for school”,  Ben Stiller said it best in Zoolander: “You may think you’re too cool for school, but I got a news flash for you…you AREN’T.”  Often  applied with considerable sarcasm which  generally means a person who is deemed to have an inflated self-image. I think that most single people struggle with knowing how to approach and take advantage of every opportunity to meet new people.  As an Expert Matchmaker, I always encourage my clients (especially the single men) to engage with others in a relaxed and cool manner; all the while knowing the difference betUnknown-4ween coming across as cool and not conceited.  It is never easy if you’ve been out of the dating game for a while and you’re afraid of over compensating or trying to hard to impress; driving away potential friendships/dates. Dating and mingling with others takes time and persistence in order to find your mojo.

Here are 10 easy tips that will help you date and socialize smarter not harder.

  1. Remember to always walk into a room and share with everyone your best asset, “your smile”.  By nature we are all attracted to happy, high energy people.
  2. Posture is something people forget about. Practice walking and talking tall and with confident posture everywhere you go. For goodness sake put a pep in your step!!
  3. Think of yourself as a “9” on a scale of 1-10.  Tell yourself that you ARE attractive, interesting, funny and successful.
  4. Take the time to become a good listener and genuinely show interest in others, valuing their time and conversation.
  5. Learn to add into your conversation playful banter and light harmless teasing. Focus on showing others around you a good time.
  6. Appear a little hard to get, challenging, fun and confident by saying things like, “Now don’t get your hopes up, I’m not that easy to get a date with” or “Listen, I don’t care what everyone else is saying about you… I think you’re great.”
  7. Body language is important,  relax and make friendly eye contact (if your interested in someone, give them the 3 second gaze). Lean forward a little bit, when talking with someone (it shows confidence). Don’t cross your arms and keep your hands relaxed.
  8. Aside from body language, other elements of your appearance can affect how approachable you look. Dressing in clothing that is light/bright colors with textures that look soft, trendy and playful will help you look more approachable.
  9. Introduce yourself immediately to strangers at a social function – get the awkwardness out of the way immediately, and you’ll come across as cool and collected (always have 2 or 3 fun relatable stories you like to tell on the tip of your tongue).
  10. Once you have your introduction and conversation topics well prepared, don’t give yourself hours to get nervous – concentrate on something else to occupy your mind until it’s time to go out and socialize.  Don’t over-think, just follow the plan, stand up straight, make eye contact, smile and talk clearly about happy things.

Its now time to put your “coolness” into action, join a singles group, speed dating group, singles events or call a local Expert Matchmaker to help jump start your dating adventure . Remember the art of building confidence is taking risks and having the ability (and the guts) to do things that scares you. Don’t change what you are, just learn to be more confident in who you are.

Happy Dating! 


Expert Matchmaker for LA/OC

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Break-Up…Now What?

Reading about break-ups on a matchmaker blog may seem a bit ironic because we’re here to get people into relationships, not OUT of them. Well, the fact is that most of us have suffered a break up or two in our lives. Going through the end of a relationship can be devastating.







Then the time comes a time when the dust begins to settle and the possibility of finding a new match doesn’t seem as scary as say, polar bearing  So what’s the next step after a break-up?

The most important step before you get serious about dating again is to put on the oxygen mask. That means that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. If you are still resentful about your ex, feeling insecure about your ability to attract a partner, have a difficult time trusting, etc., take the steps to move past your anger and doubt.  Beyond reading self-help books and therapy, there are things you can do to distract yourself from the pain of being single again and re-discover a wiser and more fulfilled version of yourself. Here are a few to get you excited about finding love (and you will!):

Be a Good Samaritan-Volunteering is a wonderful outlet because helping others helps to build your sense of self-value and enables you to open your heart.  Also, you may meet someone who is just as passionate about helping others-and that is hot. 

Learn Something New-If you’ve always wished you learned to tango, brushed up on your Spanish, or that you were a better cook, then now is the time to do it. Not only will you fill up the space you once spent with your partner, your confidence will soar and you’ll cross an item off your bucket list. Again, you open yourself to potentially meeting other quality singles by expanding your social life.






Improve your surroundings-Give your bedroom a sexy makeover (luxurious sheets, anyone?), de-clutter and get organized (chuck that ugly painting your ex loved!), re-arrange your furniture, or plant a garden.  Investing inyour environment eases loneliness and motivates you to share it with someone new.


Refresh your wardrobe-You are going to need some new date clothes for sure, and it’s likely your look has gotten a little stale or styles have changed since your last rodeo. For the love of God, get rid of your old underwear and socks (bras too, ladies!), and spoil yourself with new ones that you won’t mind showing off. And yes, there is such a thing as sexy socks.


Everyone is different when it comes to finding the best way to meet singles, and depending on your circumstances, things may have changed dramatically on the dating scene since you were last single. Online dating wasn’t around 20 years ago! You may be a few years out of college and scoping out hotties at a toga party or a bar crawl isn’t exactly your speed these days. The thing is, there are smarter ways to find your match than online dating, or standing around awkwardly at a bar. You can try a fun Single’s Partyor have an expert matchmaker go to work finding matches that are chosen  just for you.

You’ve read this far and you should be feeling stoked about who will be lucky enough to benefit from your mad cooking skills and play footsie with those sexy socks-but please, take them off before you hit those fancy new sheets! Go fill out your free, confidential Real Matchmaker Single Social Network Profile now to jump start your new and improved love life!


Jennifer, Glendale, CA

Hi Jessie,
Just wanted to let you know that the man you set me up on a date with back in March – Mark, we kept in touch all along but i wasnt sure he was my type…We began dating seriously not long ago and totally falling for each other. I am feeling like my prayers were answered- a true gentleman and worthy of my heart and my daughters too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the date and introduction. It’s exciting, new, different, mature, safe spiritual,healthy and passionate. We go to church together and God definitely brought us together for a reason. Thank you so much…

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Break Patterns

Time for changeDo you find yourself always dating the wrong woman or the wrong man?  Then you likely have a dating pattern that you need to break.

Sometimes, because people come in different shapes and sizes, we are often tricked into thinking they are different from our previous relationships. In reality this is not always the case.  Ladies, you may be dating someone who is more quite and shy than the ultra-manly man you dated before, but he is still not connecting emotionally. Fella’s, maybe you tried to date a woman who was a teacher because you thought she would be sweet and nurturing than your high powered ex, but she still seems too not have time for you. The reason it seems like “they’re all the same” is because, subconsciously, you are picking the same types of people to date. So the problem starts with you and your choices that your making.

If you’re reading this and feel like you could be making the mistakes with your love life, than take out a pen. Make a list of your 5 past relationships (good or bad), then list the first 5 qualities you liked and disliked about them that pop into your head. As you’re writing your list, you will soon be able to see a pattern. If the pattern is you date women who are not nurturing, start ask qualifying questions as you are getting to know your potential partner. For instance, “I love to stay home and make a delicious meal with a glass of wine. Do you like to cook? Are you open to cooking together?” You could also try the playful approach. “I’m a little childlike, when I’m sick. Are you a good nurse?” Judge her responses to your questions to decide whether or not she will be the type of nurturing woman you desire.

Figuring out the mind of a man is a little more difficult. The easiest way to judge them is by their actions. If your pattern is dating men who are emotionally unavailable, be wary of men who make excuses for not showing more emotion or refuse to open up about their personal lives. It’s important to make sure you both are on the same page with your feelings and expectations. If he says ‘I could see myself with you,’ that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to be with you. Relationships can be tricky. Yes, sometimes a man is confused about what he wants; but as a woman, how long do you wait around for him to figure it out? It’s a thin line between a man being confused and him stringing you along; make it your business to find out early on, which is which. Your feelings will thank you in the long run.

These are just two examples of possible bad dating patterns, but your pattern may be different. If you’re dating relationships aren’t working for you, challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone now. Attend singles events, make new friends and love yourself more. A dating coach is a great resource to help you identify and break dating patterns that are negatively impacting you’re dating life.


Happy Dating!


The Real Matchmaker LA



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Dating Mythbusters: Nice Guys Finish Last

We all have heard the saying “Nice Guys finish last.” Admittedly, I hate this saying.  If you are a Nice Guy, you don’t have to turn into a Bad Boy to get the woman of your dreams. “Oh Yeah?” you nice guys may be thinking to yourself, “Well then why is it that when I am polite, and chivalrous, and complimentary I always seem to get the shaft?”

Here’s what it is: “Nice Guys” are generally too accommodating. Nice Guys ask for permission too often and apologize when they think she might be having a thought of disapproval for the most trivial reasons. Nice guys don’t challenge or oppose… they do everything right! So WHY isn’t she taking the bait? Because you are using a carrot, not  cupcake.

boringcarrotThink about it: Carrots are good for us, but no one ever looks forward to lunch time because they have carrots waiting for them.  Carrots are predictable and they taste pretty bland. Not bad, but not good either. Now, a cupcake: It isn’t healthy, but damn does it sure taste as good as it looks. A cupcake is decadent, but just enough to satisfy your sweet tooth without making you sick.  In order to achieve balance, we have to eat more carrots than cupcakes. Too many carrots and we feel bored, deprived, and undernourished; too many cupcakes and we feel sick and unattractive all the time.

Now that I’m craving a cupcake, I’ll get on with my point. The carrot dangling Nice Guy doesn’t rock the boat. He doesn’t speak up to the waiter if his dish is all wrong, or he left it up to the woman to choose what to do on the date for the sake of ensuring you do something she likes. After a couple of dates, a strong woman will start to wonder if she’ll end up steamrolling him and being saddled with making all of the decisions, and that’s a turn-off. Women want to be with a man who she respects and believes is strong enough to make decisions and stand up for her when she needs him. In essence, Nice Guys don’t always lead with their backbone, and you have to have a strong one to grab the attention of an attractive, capable woman.
Without game playing, or trying too hard take control: Offer up a cupcake. Figuratively, of course. Although, women love cupcakes now is not the time to be so literal. For example,  if you disagree with a point she is making, offer your opposing view point instead of keeping it in (Proceed with caution, though) The truth will come out eventually anyway, and she’ll be pleased to see that you aren’t afraid to stand up for yourself and hold true to your values. Perhaps you are seated right next to a drafty door and she’s cold- ask if you can wait at the bar until another table is available or ask to shut the door. You have just shown her diplomacy, integrity and confidence.
Next, always have an action plan. Sometimes Nice Guys hesitate to initiate or plan for fear of being shot down or saying/choosing/doing the wrong thing.  Trust me when I speak on behalf of all women that we would rather you TRY than not put in any effort at all. We may tell you what we prefer, but it’s rare that we’ll get angry.  Don’t always feel the need to ask for her permission: “When can I take you out again?” as opposed to “Would it be okay for me to call you sometime so that maybe we can go out again later?”  When you follow up with her on that date, make sure you’re prepared with a couple of ideas and specific venues. This shows her that she is on your mind that you are a good planner. Bonus points if you choose something that relates to information she has already provided you with. You have just shown her that you are thoughtful and a good listener. hitch_l
Don’t be afraid to make a fool of yourself!   The reason Bad Boys are so attractive is because they don’t care what other people think about them. Remember Puck from The Real World San Francisco? He was a train wreck! But he was fun to watch because he was who he was and he didn’t care if you liked it or not. No apologies.  However, it’s that not caring about what other people think factor that also makes them terrible at relationships.  Nice Guys are usually quite interesting, although their interests may not be conventional. You collect spoons? WHO CARES? You play D&D? So what, it’s like Fantasy Football for bookworms. Your favorite movie is Milo and Otis? Yeah, I like animals, what gives?  When you are proud of who you are and you’re not embarrassed to show it, that’s hot.
If you’re a Nice Guy, you’re too good to stay single. For you ladies who are sick of being mistreated by Bad Boys, it’s time to drop the zero and get with a hero! Join our Single’s Social Network at
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Age is just a numbers game

“I’ve always found it difficult to identify with men in their 30’s” Says 34 year old Melissa. Melissa is is a tall thin brunette, with understated style wearing black skinny jeans, a blue cashmere sweater that drapes around her collar bone, and nude Tori Burch ballet flats. She works passionately as a full time consultant for a prominent software company in Silicon Valley, but her real joy is in raising her eight year old daughter from her first marriage. Melissa is not your typical mid-thirties Bay Area woman. She prefers to spend her free time at the ballet, enjoying a quiet leisurely dinner with a close friend at a new restaurant, or at the theater. “I would rather put my head in a vice than go to a bar to meet guys!” Melissa laughs, “When I meet guys my age they are usually in a different place in their lives-still wanting to rage with their friends on the weekend, going to loud concerts, or snowboarding in Tahoe. Those things are fine for some people, but it’s just not who I am.” It’s for those reasons that Melissa has had the most success dating men in their 40’s who may have like her, divorced and are raising children.

Age is just a numberMany women in their 40’s and 50’s assume that men in their age range are automatically going to opt for dating women in their 30’s. “That is certainly not the case”, says John, a fit all-American looking 54 year old CFO. “I want a woman who I can identify with. It’s nice if she understands what raising kids is all about, but I still want to go out and have fun! I would love to meet a woman my age who looks great, has a fun and positive attitude, and wants a loving affectionate relationship. Sure, women in their 30’s are attractive and fun to date for a little while, but it never works out because we are at different stages in our lives”

The bottom line, is that there are very few singles out there who are true “age-ists”, dating those only who are within a chronological age range. The vast majority of singles are open to dating someone a few years outside of their age range if their level of attraction and lifestyles mirror each other. “I still want to ‘match’ my partner when we are walking down the street together” says Melissa “I’d be mortified if someone mistook my partner for being my father!”

Determining the right age range for yourself is less about the actual number, but your relationship history, goals, lifestyle and interests. When you keep in mind that age is incredibly subjective, especially after 45, you open yourself up to more opportunities to meet someone who shares your values and relationship goals!

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la matchmaker

PRESS RELEASE: Dating Coaches at The Real Matchmaker Announce New Website Redesign

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The Real Matchmaker, a Californian team of dating coaches and image consultants, is pleased to announce the unveiling of its recently remodeled website, The responsive, reader-friendly web design and new logo gives the company fresh, memorable branding. Additionally, new site organization makes it easy for clients and visitors to find information about The Real Matchmaker, view a schedule for singles social events, and read up on tips for successful dating.


The Real Matchmaker is a highly personalized dating and image consultant service operating in San Francisco, Orange County, and Los Angeles. The agency works to connect single professionals through a number of services, including:


  • One-on-one date coaching
  • Image consulting
  • Physical training and nutrition
  • Creative date ideas and planning
  • Interest-based events for singles
  • Online dating profile tips
  • Women’s roundtable workshops (“Let’s Talk about Men”)
  • Beauty Camp
  • Wingman outings and “Get the Girl: Dating Strategy” programs
  • Personal date scouting
  • And more


The website renovation was motivated in part by the desire to reflect the matchmaking service’s professional and unique approach. CEO Jessie Kay and COO Anni Powers believe in the advantage a hands-on, holistic approach to relationships has over many online services that rely on algorithms and surveys. The Real Matchmaker meets each member personally, giving dating tips and advice and working to find clients genuine connections.


In addition to a modern look and reworked logo, the website has a dynamic events calendar to announce singles events in the area and a dating coach blog updated regularly by Kay and Powers. Both are active participants in The Real Matchmaker’s services, hosting dinners, meeting clients, and acting as a dating and relationship coach to many local professionals.


“Now, our website mirrors our work – interesting, fun, effective, and helpful,” said Powers. “I believe it’s just one more way we can help our clients meet professional singles and find the healthy, lasting relationships they desire.”


Learn more or join The Real Matchmaker’s network by contacting the personal dating coaches at 855-664-4LUV or through their online form. Los Angeles and Orange County professionals are encouraged to contact Jessie Kay at, while interested individuals in San Francisco can reach Anni Powers at

Jessie Kay

The Real Matchmaker


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Passion not perfection!

As a matchmaker and date scout, I interview A LOT of women and talk about the types of single men they would like to date.  One of the first qualities they desire in a partner is passion, not physical passion (well, that’s important too!), but passion for life itself. Being a single man, a successful career and taking care of your physical appearance are important; but when women describe men they’ve found irresistible the quality that made them fall head over heels was that he was interesting and had elements of his life outside of work and family that set him apart from other men.

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You don’t have to compete in triathlons or have climbed Mt Kilimanjaro to show that you have a zest for life. Instead you may dedicate your free time to charity work or maybe you are really proud of all the work you’ve done growing a vegetable garden.  Any dating coach and professional matchmaker will tell you that having a multifaceted life is not only healthy for your personal fulfillment, but is also vital and necessary in attracting an extraordinary partner.

So what are you to do if you don’t have any interests that really excite you? Short answer: Find some stat! There are a number of reasons that you haven’t prioritized your hobbies and interests.  Don’t let your busy work and social life stand in your way.  Think about all the things you have wanted to learn more about or try. Start small by going to a museum lecture or join an organization that hosts weekly activities. This will not only inspire you, but you will become more enthused about your new experiences and will have some fun and entertaining stories to share on your dates!


For more great dating insights and tips for singles in San Francisco contact Anni at!

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